meahhhhhhhhh

I have to work tomorrow...

nuff said.

Praise Jesus!

OMFG!

Born Again Christian Lady and Bible Quoting Child !

Thank HELL I didn't get this one, I would have lost my job...

And Technically both of them were quoting the bible. The mother kept quoting scripture, and telling her 3 year old boy to do the same, and she even went so far as to ask the cashier if he was "OF THE FAITH" ... he said he was Jewish, oops, mistake.

Cuz now she won't stop blessing him for being of the faith and is trying to get HIM to QUOTE SCRIPTURE TOO! And just going on and on about the great works and mysteries of god and blah blah blah, and her kid is like "Honnor thy father and thy mother" and I'm trying not to laugh my ass off cuz my customers are looking at me like 'WTF is going on over there?' and I mouth to them 'shes been quoting scripture for the past 5 minutes' and they are all like 'Well ok then, glad I'm in THIS lane.'

And she QUOTED SCRIPTURE to the cashier too, expecting him to be able to recognize it and quote back, and he's looking over at me like 'WTF do I do?' and im like, 'just keep humoring her now, you started it you gotta finish it.'

I am trying sooooo hard not to laugh my ass off. I dunno if I could have handled this lady, I probably would have had to say, "Mam, that is personal and I would prefer not to talk about it" cuz otherwise I would have quoted the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Best part?
It was that cashiers first day!
I told him, "See, you got your first crazy, now your one of us!"


(yea i get the irony in that opening too)

Pimpin Grand daddy stole the cash yo!

So today I'm on express all day (yay!)
but only because they are doing an audit on me
(for those who don't know or can't guess, it means they isolate me on the till and count it afterwords to make sure I'm not a dirty rotten thief! grrr)

Anyway, the reason they were doing that is because I had signed on to a till and rang some people up last week when the the previous customer came back and started arguing with the previous cashier that didn't leave yet about whether he gave her a $20 or a $50, she had given change for a $20, but he thought he gave her a $50. Manager comes over and makes change for a $50, then of course he has to count the til... yea, it was short like $50 cuz of that and since my # was in the machine I get an Audit sheet! :(

Anyway, the point of this entree was really to tell you about how I was on register a few days ago and saw the Pimpin-est Grand Daddy of em all. I'm talkin crisp white rebocks (stylish and comfortale) no laces, white sweat pants, styling sunglasses, and a white sweatshirt that said "Pimpin Ain't Easy".

I had to try soooo hard not to laugh my ass off.

Pimp on Old Dude, Pimp on ;)

Hey, so you can sell booze now? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrate

Yes, we can.

Thanks to a recent law change where I live (thanks to a very ambitious petition and publicity campaign led by the company I work for, no shit) we can now sell alcohol in the supermarket and not just the Wine and Spirits shop next door.

And it came with loads of new CRAP to deal with, like:

Fear training - we have to card everyone or we could be:

Fined
Fired
Arrested

And customers who DON'T want to comply

And customers who DON'T understand the rules.

erm...yay?

At least we get to call the manager if anyone gives us trouble about 100% proofing, Carding everyone no matter what, except we call it 'proofing' cuz we're a classy store, well, as I suspected most of our customers are, er, less then such and have been all:

"I dunno what that even means, I mean, the sign says 100% proofing, but it doesn't say what it means?"

Oh boy x_x

So right after training I get the 'Nightmare Customer'

Me: "Hello, how are you today?" *begins ringing up order, noting wine bottles at the end*
Nightmare Customer: "Oh I'm good, you"
Me: "Fine thanks" *reaches end of order, scans wine* "May I please see your drivers license in order for you to be able to purchase the wine?"
NC: "WHAT?!?! Why ?!?!?!?!?"
Me: "In order to comply with state law, our store needs to follow a 100% proofing policy. We need to card everyone"
NC: "WELL, if that's not the most rediculious, stupid thing, here." *Flashes me her license*
Me: *Begins to enter date of birth into the computer*
NC: "WAIT, what are you DOING?"
Me: "I'm entering your birthdate"
NC: "WHAT!?!?! You don't need to do that, you can see I'm above the legal limit, I DON'T WANT MY NUMBERS IN THERE!"
Me: "Ok, hold on and let me get someone to help" *Calls manager over, and before they can even ask...*
NC: *To Manager* "I DON'T want my NUMBERS in there, COLLECTED in some DATABASE!"
Manager: "I'm sorry, but... (manager proceeds to rattle off the same speech I did)"
NC: "I DON'T care! I DON'T want my BIRTH DATE COLLECTED in some DATABASE! Get me YOUR manager!"
Manager: "Ok" *gives me the 'we got a crazy one' look and called over THEIR manager...*
Department Manager: "Hello, how can I help you today?"
NC: "THEY can SEE I'm OLD enought to purchase this wine. I DON'T want my BIRTH DATE in the COMPUTER, in some DATABASE! I DON'T want to be getting a BIRTHDAY card from wegmans saying 'come shopping' or some other BULL SHIT!"
DM: "I assure you we are not putting your date of birth in a database, we are just complying with state law."
NC: "SO what YOU'RE saying is you DON'T want me to buy this here ANYMORE!"
DM: "Mam, it is your choice where you shop."
NC: *finished purchasing groceries and leaves without wine*

Ta Da!

Fun times, Fun times.

Um, I believe you misheard me...

Seriously,

I would never insult a customer!

So Sunday I had a customer that gave me a bad feeling afterwords, the kind of feeling that says, 'Hey, I think hes gonna start trouble.'

Apparently he came back the next day to complain...about ME!
*Induce fear and worry!*
Said the customer behind him said "This is taking too God Damn Long!" and the old man I was ringing up, thought I had AGREED WITH HIM!

erm, no old guy, no.

What I really said,
because I saw they were both getting stressed out that it was taking a little longer then usual for a manager to come over and key in a coupon for me (i was technically suppose to be express too, that didn't help) was,

"Yes, sometimes it can take the managers a little while to get over to me when it's busy."

APPARENTLY HE HEARD SOMETHING LIKE,

"Yeah, this man is taking long and its busy"

ERM, NOT EVEN CLOSE!

At least my boss knows that I would never say something like that.

Cool dude.

The old guy? A fucking ass wipe who needs to turn up his hearing aid.

FUCK!

Ah, the sweet smell of vi... "Could you check the prince of this!"

Ok, new character to add to the menagerie...

~~~ Scent Lady ! ~~~

So, we sell those scented herbal oils in the organic section. We carry a few brands, needless to say a few of the scents are repeated among them. Meaning, each one has a basil oil, or pine, etc. You get the idea.

I've had this lady in my lane several times...


Me: "Hello how are you today?"

Scent Lady: *dumps a few items on the lane* "Oh, good."

Me: *dutifully rings up items... etc. ect.*

SL: "Oh, could you price check these for me?" *Hands me two little glass bottles.*

Me: "Oh, sure"

SL: "Cuz I just couldn't tell on the shelves, I mean, I couldn't tell. It's just so confusing how they were marked, and the man there didn't know, he said you could price check them for me."

Me: "Oh yea, no problem" *Does price check* "Ok, this rose oil is $7.99 and this one is $8.99" (yea, they are fucking expensive, we are talking about .5 to 1 oz bottles here.)

SL: "Oh my, um, ok, no, no I don't think I want either of them today."

Me: "Ok, no problem." *puts little itty bitty bottles behind me for some other
schmuck to reshop later, shit, they probably get lost half the time.*


Now she doesn't even bother with buying a few items, she just comes to your lane when it's empty (usually an express lane) and has you price check a few scents. Usually she doesn't even buy any, but at least she puts them back now.

Scent Lady, you are strange!

AHH! MY EYES!

So, I happened to overhear part of the conversation of my next two customers, and it went something like this...


*Talking about Girl 1's key chain*

Girl 1: "...so he got it for me cuz he was worried about me, isn't that sweet?"

Girl 2: "I dunno, I guess so, it can't accidentally go off can it?"

Girl 1: "No no, its really secure. The cap is hard to get off, I guess it's so you don't hurt yourself."

Girl 2: "Oh that's good then"

*I ring up Girl 2 with the usual flare, then to girl two.*

Me: "Hello, how are you today"

Girl 1: "Oh, good." *Goes to hand me her key chain*

Me: "Um, I'm a little worried about touching your key chain now... is it safe?"

Girl 1: *laughs* "Oh, no, it's ok, its just mace"

Me: o_O' "o... ok then."

Girl 1: "The cap is on really tight, it can't go off accidentally or anything."

Me: *carefully scans key tag and hands back key chain*


Yea, just another usual day at work.

I always feel like... sombodys watching me

At work I have a calm and comforting demeanor, I don't like to start trouble,
and am friendly to others ... like I have to be. Meh.
Apparently this attracts the nut jobs, like flies on shit, where I work.

Today though, I got a new one.

~ ~ ~ Paranoid Lady ! ! !

Now, Paranoid Lady gets in my lane and I notice she's glanced over he shoulder a few times at a fellow a few lanes down from us. I don't say anything and hope that sinking feeling would go away...naw, she's going to make this be weird.


PL: "Excuse me."

Me: "Yes?"

PL: "Is that gentleman over there watching me?"

Me: "Um, the man a few lanes over?"

PL: "YES! Don't stare at him, just let me know, is he looking over here?"

Me: "Hum, well no, he doesn't look like he's looking over here."

PL: "He was following me, at least it felt like, it seemed like he was, he followed me through the whole store!"

Me: *...*

PL: "I'm very aware of my surroundings, some people aren't but I am. He went down every aisle I did!" *implying I'm not seeing it cuz I'm not 'aware' enough*

Me: *...*

PL: "I know when I'm being FOLLOWED! He was watching me, and when I noticed he said 'Hello' and SMILED! He followed me and now I feel weird we are both checking out at the SAME TIME!"

Me: "He does not seem to be looking at you miss, but I can have someone escort you to your car if you would feel safer?"

PL: "No no no, I just think its weird we are both checking out at the same time too."

Me: "Well, your all done now, and he's still getting his stuff all packed up, so you will be leaving long before he will"

PL: "Oh, good, ok then"

Me: "And you can go out that exit if you don't want to walk by him."

PL: *proceeds to walk right by her 'stalker'*


Paranoid Lady, you are 65 years old,
unless he had a geriatric fetish, I doubt he gave a shit about you.
It was more likely that you both needed TP, tomato sauce and lettuce.

Leave the poor polite man alone!

I guess it is 5 o'clock somewhere...

not here tho, or at least, not when Mr. Tipsy got in my line today at 4ish.

I'm doing my usual thing, "Hello how are you" rings up items after patron grunts whatever response la de da, de da.

Then I hear this, "HELLO THERE!" bellowed from the depths of some guys gullet.

I look up and see... Mr. Tipsy.

I do not know who he is, but he has definitely been hitting the bottle early,
maybe there was an office luncheon,
maybe a birthday party,
who knows cuz it's only Thursday.
He seemed to be having a little difficulty deciding what volume his voice should be, or which direction was south if you know what I mean. Needless to say, this is what followed...


Mr. T: "HOW are YOU today!"

Me: *Trying not to giggle* "Oh, I'm good, how are you Sir?"

Mr. T: "well... I'm just DANDY!"

Me: "That's nice Sir"

Mr. T: "Yea YEA, you can shove ALLLLL that in one bag for meh!"

Me: "Sure, no problem."

Mr. T: *grunts and swoons* "Huh, is that there the bathroom?" *gestures to our kiddy play center, definitely NOT the bathrooms*

Me: "No Sir, the bathrooms are just behind me" *Points to bathrooms*

Mr. T: "OOOH! ok, Mind if I USE em?" *swoons some more* "Hey, YOU think I could LEAVE my BAGS HERE?!? THINK they would be OK!?!?"

Me: "Sure, I'll keep an eye on them, it's no problem at all."

Mr. T: "You do that, and THANK YOU KINDLY!" *grunts and swoons way to the bathroom*


*Next customer enters the que*

Me: *ackward smile* "I apologize, that man is clearly intoxicated."

Nice Lady: "Well, at least he's polite and behaving himself. Hey, its 5:oo somewhere right?"

Me: "Indeed." *rings up groceries*


*Mr. Tipsy returns from the bathroom for his items.*

Mr. T: "ALL right young LADY! THANK YOU KINDLY!!!"

Me: "Your welcome!"


I really hope he was not driving...
but maybe I do.

To Latex Lady, with love

Today I met the latex lady.

She is allergic to latex...

our conveyor belts are MADE of latex...

you see the problem here.

So, she puts all of her items in those blue carry baskets so nothing touches the belt, and if something falls onto the belt, you have to get it replaced for her, she really can't touch the stuff.

She's a little weird,
but otherwise a cool person.

I like weird, cool people...

therefor...

I like you Latex Lady.

And then a savior appeared...and she said the wisest thing I've ever heard...

So I was working a few days ago, doing the usual spheal of hellos and how are you today's and getting the usual fines and goods and total ignoring of my presence when I was asked to ring up a little old lady on register 20.

This woman was AWESOME!

She told me to take my time, that she wasn't going to move fast and while she was here I could just take it easy. The world tries to move too fast anyway she says. My bosses close the lane for her, this is just the drill.
She ragged on my bosses, but in a friendly way, very warm and grandmotherly humor.
A lot of the front end ppl came by to say hello to her, She would say,
"Oh hello Evan, yes Jason already helped me out, this nice cashier is doing a wonderful job, but I have to say, Jason did a better job at helping me here then YOU Evan, ah ha ha, just kidding, just kidding you."
All laughs, all smiles.

The best thing she said to me was, "I'm old, I've earned the right to bitch!"
To which I said "Man, I hope I make it to that age then!"
She laughed and laughed like it was the best thing she's ever heard, said don't worry, you will, just take your time getting there.

She was an amazing person.


She is dying of cancer.


She is living every moment of her life upbeat and happy about it. Thankful for and enjoying the time she's got. I'm sure there are negatives, but she doesn't dwell on them.

I admire her, I'm 24 and I envy her, this old woman with cancer, because she has life figured out. So many people never figure life out, I hope I do.

later



And remember,

The world tries to move too fast anyway.

Im not as healthy as I look you know...

Ok, listen, or read rather,

I can understand that where I work there are a lot of youngins (14-18 yr olds) that are less responsible and would just call out of work willy nilly "cuz man, i like, really wanted to go to that concert" or "dude, I really, like, don't feel like going to work today"
That's wrong, and irresponsible, and maybe they should be required to bring in a doctors note for a few days off...but give me credit where it's due!

I do my damn work, and I work hard!

I mean, seriously, been there for 5 years, never caused trouble, no history of calling out randomly, only when I've been sick...which, unfortunately, has been more often as of late. I've been battling a bout of bronchitis that I can't seem to shake. It has reared its ugly head for the past two summers now.

Yes, that's right, I get bronchitis...in the middle of summer, warmest and most beautiful months of the year here, and I get sick...WTF?!?!

Well, I have diabetes, type 1, had it since I was 7, so my immune system is shot to hell.
I look ok on the outside, but am a mess inside.

Its like AIDS without being contagious, please don't get offended, because it is true.

If I don't die from some weird accident, I will most likely die from pneumonia or some common cold in my 60s, which come to think of it, isn't so rare in the elderly is it? I guess what I should say is, I work just as well or harder then my coworkers, but if I get overtired and a cold then I get bronchitis because my body is bad at fighting off the infection.

It happens fast too.

You get a cold, your sick for a few days, I get a cold and a few days later, its bronchitis.

SUCKS HUH?

so,

The point of this whole rant, is that in a complexly irrespective way, my 'Woman Instigating Troubling Coworker Hell ' or WITCH tells me I need to bring in a doctors note...WTF?!?! No feel better or anything, just a brief, concise demand for evidential paperwork. I love how she doesn't give a shit who I am or knows I have this problem, way great equal treatment and such employers, yea. I only have trouble with this supervisor, all the others are very understanding. My boss, well, we will just leave Natzi Bitch out of this.

This WITCH, she treats you like her dogs, like you serve her now dammit kneel before her! God forbid it you get sick, then your like a broken dog, someone to kick while your down.

Oh hell no, I kneel to no one.

What A Little Jerk!

OK, so last week I actually had a kid who didn't want to listen to me and well...

So Little Jerk comes in with his little sister, hes 8 shes 5, and there is already another 8 year old boy in there playing with the blocks. For some reason, when you get two or more 8 year old boys you get trouble, some kind of macho, dominant male in the room thing.
Usually its not a problem cuz they listen to you, you can, after all, call their parents and that's usually a good enough threat.

Well, this kid wouldn't listen.

Little Jerk keeps taking the other boys blocks, even off of this really spiffy town he's made. The other boy comes over and tells me, he's well behaved and polite. I tell him I'll take care of that, and let him know to just be patient, it will work out. I tell Little Jerk to stop, twice. He says hes going to hit the other boy, mind you these are those old fashioned wood blocks some of which are the size of baseball bats, I'm like, orly? O-O'

Me: "*insert real name here*, I'm calling your mother"
LJ: "How come everybody knows my name!"
Me: "You mom has to tell us, because we are responsible for watching you."
LJ: "AND how come you know her PHONE NUMBER?!?"
Me: "You mom has to give it to us for you to come in, in case we need to call her"
LJ: "Well, I've never heard of that, shesh, she never told me that, shesh, she's lost her privileges!" *pouts away*
Me: *erm, wtf, must be how he's disciplined...?*
LJ: "Well, if you call her I'm going to hit him"
Me: "No, your not" *now, I'm prepared to get between these kids, my body language must say so...*
LJ: "Well, I'll kick his tower down when she gets here then"
Me: *patiently waits for mother of devil child to arrive, acting nonchalant so as not to raise the suspicions of the room, they can smell worry you know*

Well, the mom gets there, and I tell her what her son had done, why I had to call her, and why he has to leave, she understands so no problem. He still had the nerve to knock the top off the tower, but mom's sharp disproving voice put a stop to that.

I put a note on his card, and left a note for who I consider my boss in the 'nursery'

I don't think Little Jerk will be returning any time soon.

By the way, his sister the whole time from start to finish, NO problems sharing, and was an absolutely lovely child...

so ?

WTF, Who did the schedule?!?!

Seriously,

It was like a kinder gardener with ADD did the schedule this week. This hasn't happened in a while, but it was baaaaaaad.

Ok, so in my previous post I talked about being scheduled without warning on Monday just because it was Labor Day and they felt it would be busy? I guess they scheduled too many people Monday since they gave me no trouble when I asked no to come in since I had plans.

Well, this over scheduling of course, effectively messed up the rest of the week.

Short staffed, MAN were we short staffed Tuesday!

At 1 in the afternoon there were only about 5 or 6 cashiers on front end when there should have been at least twice that!

Oh shit,
so managers were jumping on register(the cool managers were there by chance, so they were ready to get right in there and help, do what really needed to be done.), and the Nazi Bitch was calling for any available cashiers from the different departments in the store (I worked it for a couple hours, I was suppose to be in the kiddy room, I had to close it that night.) No one got their breaks, it was so dumb...and illegal.

I suspect the same person that scheduled me for work on the night of the baseball game was the one who did the schedule this week...so fuck them.

I signed WHAT?!?!

OK, granted this one was my fault, but I vow to learn from it, and not complain except for about how backhanded and sneaky it seems from this end...

I went in today to work, and check my schedule for this week, and found I was scheduled for work this holiday Monday. I'm not available to work Mondays and thus, had made plans with friends and family, so a conversation with my immediate superiors went something like this.

Me: "Um, I'm scheduled for work Monday, but I'm not even available to work Mondays and have plans."
Associate Service Supervisor: "Oh, your not available Monday?"
Me: "Well, no, not even normally, but plans have been made."
ASS: "Ok, no problem we'll take you off the schedule."
Me: "Ok then. "o_O' *surprised, but ok*

Now, this was weird, and the first time it had ever happened to me in all the 5 years I've worked here, so I went in search of a more knowledgeable employee...

Me: "I'm scheduled for work Monday, but I'm not even available to work Mondays and have plans, do you know why this happened?"
Slightly More Informed Labor Employee: "Oh yea, like a gazillion years ago when you were hired and signed 7 billion forms, on of them was for which holidays your available to work."
Me: "Ok, but since it's not my usually work day wouldn't it be nice if I was told I would be working?"
SMILE: "Yea, no, they dont have to tell you, or ask you or anything, and no one ever remembers the paper they signed either."
Me: "Not good tho, people make plans, have prior commitments, this is a bad system."
SMILE: "Yea, its kind of a gray area..."
Me: o_O'

Oh kaaaaaaaaaayyyyy,
my bad,
still,
this is a really bad fuck you in the ass kind of system.

Reading, it doesnt hurt I promise!

Ok,

I am so fucking sick of this.

I get these customers that when they get to the keypad,
they just stare at it,
I mean seriously,
stare at it like its some kind of fucking hypno-toad.

FUCKING READ THE DIRECTIONS YOU FUCKING IDIOT !

They make me have to tell them what to do, they make me say outloud the exact same thing it says on the keypad, some examples...

* (at our store you can enter your phone number in leu of sliding your frequent shopper card in order to get discounts.

The Idiot: "So what button to I press to enter my phone number?"
Me: "Um, the button that says phone number " o_O'
TI: "Oh, yea."
Me: o_O'

TI: "I swiped my card, what does it want me to do now?"
Me: "Chose credit or debit"
TI: Pauses to read the buttons, "Oh... yea."
Me: o_O'

This is the worst one, failure to completely read the keypad, people will go and enter their number then stare at the screen, because some idiot decided people would read it and notice it says " Welcome! Please slide your shopper card or payment card to begin", so this conversation will occur dozens of times a day...

TI: "What does it mean slide your shopper card, I did that already didn't I?"
Me: "Yes, just slide your payment card like it says"
TI: "But it says to slide my shoppers card"
Me: "Yes, but since you entered your phone number or I slid the keytag, you can slide your payment card now like it says"
TI: finally reads the rest of the screen, still not understanding it, "but it says slide my shoppers card...OR payment card to begin... oh, so did my card go through, is it asking for my shopper card again?"
Me: *Wants to really, REALLY strangle the guy who wrote the program for the keypad* "Yes sir, your shopper card went through already, it just returns to that screen as a default since you can slide your shopper card or payment card there."
TI: "So I got my discounts?"
ME: "Yes sir"
TI: "Then why does it say it wants me to slide my shoppers card again?"
ME: *impales self on the bag holders at the register, give my regards to nixon*


Oh my God why???

Ok,
granted some of the things I say can be attributed to being bored at work, tired, cranky, English not first language, etc., but with most individuals this is just their stupidity!!!

Sometimes I just let customers stare at the keypad to see how long it goes on,
some will stand there for almost a minute before either asking me what to do (like omg I'm lost here, id rather ask you then read something!) or FINALLY reading the fucking thing.

When I'm really grouchy, and they ask me what to do, I say,

"Please read the keypad and follow the directions"

HA!

...and some people still need me to walk them through, step by step.
OMFG, how do these people manage to get up,
get dressed,
and drive a car to where I work?!?!

later web-peeps

Challenges at Work

Well,

I had my 6 month review at work yesterday-ish, and it was confirmed I am awesome (I've long suspected such...) And I really don't take compliments well, its was like I was getting shot at, it took all my strength not to twitch at each compliment that was shot at me.

Oi.

I'm the person who is hardest on herself when she makes a mistake, know what I mean? I hate making mistakes, and that often holds me back from advancing as fast as I may want to.

I dunno, it just seems like lately I've been happy to go to work, happy to have a job, happy to be working you know what I mean?

So I was really happy at work yesterday, but the boss also challenged me to to do something new and different and entrepreneur like, I've never done anything like it before. I will try to try to do it, i guess.



Well, I suppose that's all for now.

Nazi Bitch

Nazi Bitch, we all know one.

She's that lady at work who's convinced herself she's important, irreplaceable, everything would fall apart without her, and she's got some 'good ideas' for some 'changes around here'.
ick.

She nags, she hovers around your work space without really being there, I mean, you can feel her watching you before you see her because everybody tenses up when she's around. She is two faced, and doesn't realize she just gave you a complement and now is berating you for something else. She will greet you with a hardy hello then tell you you need to wear blacker pants cuz those aren't quite black enough. (WTF?) She nitpicks everything you do, and is very hard to argue with because she is actually a good speaker, probably the only thing she's good at, and it's surprising shes not in politics instead. Probably just a little too dumb and just missed the cut off, or too smart, which ever way you want to look at it. Plus she makes you nervous as hell because she looks like she wants to hit you.

What she really is, is a middle age hag who never amounted to anybody or anything in her life so views this as her last chance career and will hold on to it with tooth and claw, never found yours truly and got married, probably been divorced a few times, and will most likely end up the crazy cat lady. She also has to take shit for everything that goes wrong from the big wigs upstairs and probably cries after getting yelled at by them everyday for shit that went wrong.

And best of all she could easily be replaced by hiring two college graduates for less.

Nazi Bitch, I hate you,
but I sure wouldn't want your job.

Condoms 101

I am so amused by how different people act when purchasing condoms.

Usually the younger guys flirt, or try to act "too cool" for em. Like, "yea, Im buying the extra large, super lubricated, sparkly, ribbed, pull-a-rabbit-outa-your-ass condoms what you gonna do about it?"
Erm, nothing cuz I dont give a fuck?
Imagine their dissapointment.

Others will cover them with impulse buys like magazines, gum, etc. and are obviously embarresed at having to go to my checkout. They usually won't make eye contact or talk with me so I just ring them up and stay professional.

I did however, have this one time where two guys bought condoms, grabbed them out of the bag after paying an ran off yelling, "we dont need a bag we'er gonna use them right now, kthnx"
*snicker*

Its the older gentlemen that act really awkward as hell about it (Im a 20 something female, no makeup, but not ugly i hope)
They are so relieved as I make casual small talk about the weather and ring up their purchase without incident or the inkling of a snicker.
Of course, this has kind of make me a regular for these customers when I work late nights... the apprent 'safe' time to buy condoms.

Rarely do I get woman buying them...and when I do, boy are they dressed like sluts, must be a steriotype thing.

No matter what, I always handle it calmly and professionally, calmly and professionally, and laugh like hell on the inside.

Stupid Girls...

It really saddens me that so many younger people come through my lane with pregnancy tests.

I see this at least once or twice a month.

If anything remotely goes wrong in a physical experience, please go online and visit your nearest Planned Parenthood or Clinic as soon as possible, within a day or two is best.
They are required to give you the Morning After Pill (usually with completion of a full pelvic exam which you should be getting every year if you are sexually active, it is not so bad), at least in NJ. And your parents dont have to know about it. They give you condoms, but you should take responsability and get on the pill if your healthy. They have payment plans too, its not as expensive as you think since they bill you according to what you say your family income is a year and how many people it supports, so say its 60,000 and the visit and contraception wont be too expensive if you have a part time job.

Don't sit there worrying, hoping everything will be ok, that's just stupid.

No one else is going to care as much about your health as you do.

The Glove Lady

Yes, I too have a Glove Lady.

If you've ever worked retail like grocery, you know who I mean.
Shes the lady with crazy hair, skinny, may or may not smell of moth balls, and wears GLOVES of some kind.
My lady in particular wears two layers of the thin plastic medical looking gloves.

She is batty as hell.

She insists on me turning off the belt so she can put all her groceries on it in a particular order because if she doesn't, something... I dunno, will happen.
She re-boxes her groceries herself, she never uses bags, she uses these grimy gross looking cardboard boxes that look like they've been through WWII.
She insists on treating cashiers like they are five.

I deliberately cough, sneeze and sniffle when she comes through my lane.
Yes, I know its petty, but we cashiers do get so very bored...

oopspoop kid

Just started working in the kiddy center at the supermarket.

Its loads of fun, I get to watch Disney movies, color with crayons and markers, play with trains and blocks, and all I have to do is make sure a few hyperactive runny nosed little snots don’t knock their noggins out…

jk, the kids really are nice…most of the time…

Which leads me to oppspoop kid.

Oblivious Mother drops off a little 3yr old boy and 5yr old girl, says they went to the bathroom and are good to go (I tend to check with the younger kids, you gotta watch them, no fault of their own, they’re learning after all.)

About a half hour into their stay, little boy begins jumping up and down incessantly. I ask if he needs to go to the bathroom…

Little Boy: *shakes head no*
Me: “Are you sure?”
LB: *shakes head harder no*
M: *observes little boy continues to jump around*
M: “Are you sure you don’t have to go to the bathroom?”
LB: *Shakes head no* “No!”
M: *Begins to observe suspicious odor…*
LB: *Continues Jumping*
-mother arrives to pick up kids-
M: “I think J---- needs to go to the bathroom”
Oblivious Mother: “Oh no, he went pee before we came, if he has to go its poop and he wont poop here”
M: “Ok, well, have a nice day then” *checks them both out of play center*
Older Sister: “I think he already went mommy!”
-they go to the bathroom and I over hear them as they walk by on their way out-
Oblivious Mother: “Nooo J---- you don’t wear diapers any more, those are underwear, you pooped in your underwear…”
Me: *plants head against wall* “Have a nice day everyone!”

In the beginning…

So I work for a supermarket, been there for almost five years now.
Stayed there because they work around my school schedule and that means I can go to school full time and still make some money to pay for school in full and

YAY NO STUDENT LOANS!

I work as both a cashier and also as a baby sitter in the little room we have where parents can drop off their kids to be watched by employees while they shop, very cool I think, plus I get to watch tv and color with crayons and get PAID for it sweet, basically like babysitting, like I said.

So I lets start this with my most recent incident, the one where I almost got in the middle of a fist fight…yea…

I was on register 26, its on the end near the door, and is usually express (7 Items or Fewer, yea, yea, I know, wow, its grammatically correct, more about how anal my store is later) and another employee, Ben was on the register 25 to my right, also express.

Now, technically register 26 is also handicapped accessible, and I’m a pretty fast worker so I have no problem taking a handicapped individual, or anyone else for that matter with 20-25 items, it really goes fast. I find that most of the time what makes a transaction take longer is how long it takes customers to read the FUCKING Key Pad God Damnit! And count out change, write checks etc.

So, a woman and her son go to get in my lane, they have maybe 20 items or so, no big deal, when an older gentleman in a baseball cap gets behind them, mutters something and goes to lane 25 instead. I didn’t hear what was said at this point, but I figure he cursed them out or something because the lady tells him that they “would have let him go first“, and that he was “being very rude”, and that “yes, she was indeed handicapped” and had a right to use the lane. I agreed completely, I’ve seen her and her son before, he always helps her shop because she has a heart condition.

The older man tells my customer that “she’s crazy, has issues, etc etc” and towards the end of the transaction begins cursing her and her son out, threatens to hit him, and even threatens to be waiting for them in the parking lot. By this time I had called a manager over, the woman had asked me to, but I was already in the motion of doing so because I didn’t want to have to stand between them and get hit L. Mike comes over, by then the rude man (possibly also drunk?) had left, but both I and the customer were worried he would make good his threat to be waiting outside the store so Mike walked out with them. They didn’t want to file a complaint they just wanted to go, but later I found out they had called the cops. I also found out that once outside, Mike had to tell the grumpy old man to leave the premises because …

HE WAS WAITING OUTSIDE!!! WTF?!?!

So after all of this I wrote down a statement for security as best I could remember what had happened, was told I handled it well, did right by remaining calm and calling management, yay, well…duh !

She came in the next day to make and official complaint anyway too, but I can understand just wanting to leave and go home and be safe.

Ahhh work,
such a safe and happy environment. x_x

Im French, and I'm a Doctor...

but, that doesn't make you better then everyone else

Mr. Ridiculous French Guy.

So, I was right about work being completely nuts christmas eve. It was nuts, but I heard it was worst the day before.

Anywho, I'm sort of on express again (why do problems happen here, is it because everyone is in such a rush they think 'express' means the magic lane of no problems?) and I get this guy.

Mr. Ridiculous French Guy! *

* must read with Ridiculous French Accent!

--------------------------------------------------------

MRFG: *Already fiddling with a card in his hand, but I can tell it is not a drivers licence * "Ah yes, hello sour are you? I swood like to buy di wine"

Me: "Sure, I just need to see your licence or a valid form of id"

MRFG: *Trys to show me his Doctors Licence, note, he does not hand it to me like most people to, in fact, it seems like he doesn't want me to touch it at all* "Dis is valid yes? It is just my age you see yes?"

Me: "Well, yes, but I need to see it on a valid form sir"

MRFG: *sighs and begins flipping out* "dis is RIDICULOUS! Dat is me, you see it yes? This is RIDICULOUS! ZIts me!

Me: "Hold on just one minute for me sir" *I call the manager like I am suppose to when customer begins flipping a shit*

MRFG: You see it is me! Zis is RIDICULOUS! Now we are holding up everyone in the line, this is RIDICULOUS no?

Manager Dood: "How can I help you sir?"

MRFG: "Zis id is not good enough for her, zis is me see? You see it is me, zis is RIDICULOUS, we are holding up all these people now!" *Hands manager the Doctors license he wouldn't let me touch, er, jerk*

MD: "Yes this is you, but we can only accept valid forms of id sir, a drivers license, photo id car, or passport, do you have one of those?"

MRFG: "AH THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" *begins shuffling through wallet for something* "For your sake I hope I have it" *more riffling* "This is RIDICULOUS! LOOK at the LINE OF PEOPLE WAITING NOW! RIDICULOUS!" *Finally pulls out the drivers license he had the whole time! and hands it to my manager* "Here, you see, your lucky I have it."

MD: "Thank you sir" *types in birth date* "You have a nice day"

MRFG: "You see?!?! All you needed was my birthdate! RIDICULOUS! It was on my other id, why is zat not good enough?!?! This is RIDICULOUS, I am just testing the system, and this zis just stupid! RIDICULOUS!"

Me: "Sir, I am just following the law, I do not want to get arrested."

MRFG: "Arrested? Pah!"

ME: "Have a nice day sir!"

------------------------------

Person next in line: *Hands me license right away* "He had his license the whole time? What was wrong with that guy?"

Me: *Shrugs* "Who knows? I wasn't kidding, I had the officer come through my lane just a couple hours ago, testing me, so I don't care how mad people get, I'm not hanging myself for their liquor"

Person in line: "Good for you, we understand its the law, that guy was RIDICULOUS!"


Laughs all around.


Everyone in line after him had their license ready and was really nice :)