Um hello? Welcome back from space... sort of

So you know how usually pens disappear from work because people walk off with them, usually its an honest accident, while some people try to take them because they have this weird sort of kleptomania or something.

Well, the other day I actually experienced the reverse of this for the first time, ever.

Enter Spacey Woman

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Me: "Hello, how are you today?" *begins scanning and bagging groceries*

SW: *Looks around surprised* "Whah, huh? Oh I'm good dear."

Me: *Gets to the end of the order, but noticed the woman hasn't started the payment procedure yet...* "Ok, well, now you need to choose a payment type."

SW: *more surprise* "Oh, uh, ok here we go." *woman pushes buttons, then stops*

Me: *notices she's selected to pay by check* "Miss, please fill out your check for xxx.xx amount."

SW: *more surprise* "Whah? Oh right, yes, of course" *takes out pen and checkbook from purse fills out check and puts her pen on the counter*

Me: "Thank you, and here is your reciept" *Notices she is walking away without her pen* "Oh mam, you'r forgetting your pen!"

SW: *supreme surprise* "That's not my pen. I've never owned a pen like in my life! That must be yours dear."

Me: *erm...* "Ok, mam thank you and have a nice day"

Next customer (who had witnessed the entire transaction of Spacey Woman) and I share a look and he busts out laughing and shaking his head.

I just shrug and say, "Well, there's a first time for everything."

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Good luck Spacey Woman
I guess...

Excuse Me?

This is to the little old bitty that makes me ring up every one of her produce items by scanning the printed bar codes she puts on them after weighing them at our self weighing stations in the produce section, but always somehow picking the machine that will not scan them forcing me to have to type them each in individually because OMFG it's like a few cents cheaper on your tag then when I weigh it on my GOVERNMENT REGULATED SCALE, and you will not even listen to me explain that even when I am doing what you asked me to and holding up the express line, holy FUCK!

Please,

Drive your car into a lake and drown.

Fall off a cliff.

Get attacked and impaled by ninjas.

Some how set your self on fire and burn to death while preparing couscous.

Just FUCKING DROP DEAD !

Thank you :)

p.s. I hate you, you irritate the hell out of me :(

Damages Disaster

Fuck you for not putting in the effort to teach me where damages are and having me have to ask a bunch of people until I figure it out. Typical. Disaster, she was right, next time, I'm making sure they show me where to go and what to do.

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On a lighter note, a mother and her four year old boy come through my lane today. I start bagging their groceries and the little boy looks up at me and says,

"I love Lady Gaga, she is sooooo bEAutiful!"

I looked at the mom ask if to say, did he just say what I think he said? And she was like "Oh, is he talking about Lady Gaga again? He's a big fan"

And as they were leaving he was like, "Mom, are we going to listen to Lady Gaga in the car? She is pretty."

I love this kid!

No, just no.

Nazi Bitch got her nose pierced.
It looks terrible.
She is 50 years old.
Did she loose a bet, or get reeeeeeeeeealy drunk last weekend?

Also, my partner at work has ringworm. She was itching the rash all day and hasn't been to the doctor for it. She asked me if it is contagious.

Why yes, yes it is.
Now don't touch me.

Gah!

Wikipedia Page on Ringworm

meahhhhhhhhh

I have to work tomorrow...

nuff said.

Praise Jesus!

OMFG!

Born Again Christian Lady and Bible Quoting Child !

Thank HELL I didn't get this one, I would have lost my job...

And Technically both of them were quoting the bible. The mother kept quoting scripture, and telling her 3 year old boy to do the same, and she even went so far as to ask the cashier if he was "OF THE FAITH" ... he said he was Jewish, oops, mistake.

Cuz now she won't stop blessing him for being of the faith and is trying to get HIM to QUOTE SCRIPTURE TOO! And just going on and on about the great works and mysteries of god and blah blah blah, and her kid is like "Honnor thy father and thy mother" and I'm trying not to laugh my ass off cuz my customers are looking at me like 'WTF is going on over there?' and I mouth to them 'shes been quoting scripture for the past 5 minutes' and they are all like 'Well ok then, glad I'm in THIS lane.'

And she QUOTED SCRIPTURE to the cashier too, expecting him to be able to recognize it and quote back, and he's looking over at me like 'WTF do I do?' and im like, 'just keep humoring her now, you started it you gotta finish it.'

I am trying sooooo hard not to laugh my ass off. I dunno if I could have handled this lady, I probably would have had to say, "Mam, that is personal and I would prefer not to talk about it" cuz otherwise I would have quoted the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Best part?
It was that cashiers first day!
I told him, "See, you got your first crazy, now your one of us!"


(yea i get the irony in that opening too)

Pimpin Grand daddy stole the cash yo!

So today I'm on express all day (yay!)
but only because they are doing an audit on me
(for those who don't know or can't guess, it means they isolate me on the till and count it afterwords to make sure I'm not a dirty rotten thief! grrr)

Anyway, the reason they were doing that is because I had signed on to a till and rang some people up last week when the the previous customer came back and started arguing with the previous cashier that didn't leave yet about whether he gave her a $20 or a $50, she had given change for a $20, but he thought he gave her a $50. Manager comes over and makes change for a $50, then of course he has to count the til... yea, it was short like $50 cuz of that and since my # was in the machine I get an Audit sheet! :(

Anyway, the point of this entree was really to tell you about how I was on register a few days ago and saw the Pimpin-est Grand Daddy of em all. I'm talkin crisp white rebocks (stylish and comfortale) no laces, white sweat pants, styling sunglasses, and a white sweatshirt that said "Pimpin Ain't Easy".

I had to try soooo hard not to laugh my ass off.

Pimp on Old Dude, Pimp on ;)